I have a bestie, high education, high level of appearance, high vision, talked about five or six boyfriends, communication is not more than half a year on the break up, recently suddenly announced to get married.
Her friends wondered what kind of person would calm her down.
Bestie said: “In fact, it was too hasty before, as long as there is a little conflict to rise to the level of love or not, at every turn said break up, think they are very handsome, the original is no patience to run in with a person.
It was also a small thing that made her reflect.
Once when she had a fever and her boyfriend didn’t come to see her because he was working overtime, she said, “I can’t count on you when I’m sick. Let’s break up.”
If it is her ex-boyfriend, will be more grievance than her, along with her mood, said: “Do you think I am willing to work overtime?Can’t you understand that?Divide it up.”
The mature man calmly replied, “It makes me tired to break up like this. I want to take care of you, but understand each other.”
She once speechless, darling ground again dare not “break up” to hang on the mouth.
Because the former position is oneself, “I am busy with work, I am wronged”;The latter position is “we”, “You do this, will destroy our relationship, we need to understand each other”.
There is a classic saying: it is the details that defeat marriage.
Most of the conflicts in a relationship are like this. It’s no big deal, but both sides stand on their own ground and can’t understand each other, so the butterfly flaps its wings and causes a tsunami.
Japan once conducted a survey of men who initiated divorce, asking them what their motivations were for getting divorced.What accounts for the largest proportion is the communication problem of the wife: the wife is always very anxious, the tone of speech is very bad, suddenly angry, easily angry, whatever do will be scolded, cold war ignore people, always say some negative personality words…
The biggest complaint a wife has about her husband is that she can’t communicate, doesn’t understand me, and makes people angry when she talks.
A classic scene in a family emerges.
When she came home from work, she cooked and talked about the troubles she had encountered during the day. The man was not interested in listening to her, but only perfunctory. The wife felt that the other party did not care about her.
Two people together for a long time, there will always be conflict, sometimes need a big fight, sometimes several days who do not pay attention to each other.Either one of them gives in and says it’s wrong, or they break up.
Looking back on it, most of the time neither of us was wrong. What was wrong was that we thought differently and neither of us saw what the other really needed.
When I first fell in love, I always have endless topics to talk about. Now I can’t listen to anything.Is the feeling weak?
Originally two people who love each other, there is no cheating, no domestic violence, why would they split up in the daily bread, cooking oil and salt?
Man and woman, who has changed since marriage?
The answer to these questions, which have puzzled lovers all over the world, is already found in the book.
In 2005, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus was published and immediately became the most famous work on sexual relationships.
Author John Gray believes that the conflict and contradiction between men and women, because they use different ways of thinking and language system, like two people from two planets, came to live on the earth together.
The theory of Mars and Venus has been incorporated into harvard’s curriculum.
To find the most efficient way to communicate, you must first understand the other party’s language system.
Read this book, said most of the words is: so it is!It turns out that your partner is not what you think, and that your own little inexplicable emotions are also coming into play.
For example, the number one complaint of women in a marriage is: “Are you listening to me or not?”
At this, a man immediately goes into a defense mechanism: “Haven’t I been listening?”
The woman is wronged: “you just the ear is listening, don’t care about my feeling at all.”
The man had no idea.
In fact, a man from Mars is a “problem brain.” He focuses on what the other person says and what problems need to be solved.A Woman from Venus, on the other hand, is an “emotional mind.” She says things but actually expresses emotions.She’s more interested in whether the man understands what I’m feeling in this case.
A husband who doesn’t understand a woman’s subtext is the most likely to be the tipping point.
There is an even more amazing couple who never quarrel but always seem to be in harmony and then one day they decide to break up with no chance of turning back.
In such cases, it is usually the woman who decides to break up.
The news that a 56-year-old aunt recently ran away from her marriage in a car was SOB.
Auntie said, “It used to be as if she and her husband lived in two worlds.Besides her own job, she has to take care of her husband and daughter and do all the housework.”
Financially, she and her husband went Dutch.”Living with him, Not only will I not spend any money on him, But I will also cook for him, clean and wash his clothes for free every day. As a family, I should do these things, but I want an economic community!”
Auntie wanted to divorce several times, but miss the children, advised themselves to wait for their daughter to go to college;Daughter graduated, thinking of the child to get married, again bear it;The daughter got married and had a child, and endured it until the grandson went to school.
This time, my aunt did enough preparation for the drive, she went all the way to the south, to Sichuan, Yunnan, although hard, but free, feel never happy.
In only Thirty, when Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu had the most intense quarrel, Chen Yu said such a sentence: “I think you are a very gentle, very considerate girl, your family is practical, not as black as ours, I got married just for ease and ease, just to live a practical life.
For many men, having their children taken care of and food on the table means that everything is ok.I do not know how much women repressed the emotional demands, they swallow their anger, silence, let their own numbness.
Reprint indicated source：Shine Trader Limited Live information